Skin Ticket
by Lyson
Summary: /Original Reviews 12/ Quote - Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal.- Sometimes we need to bleed just to know we're alive and sometimes Edward needed to hurt just to feel redemption...
1. Skin Ticket

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or any of its characters. I do not make any money from writing this story.

Warning: Edward is 16, Roy is 14 years older.

* * *

**Skin Ticket**

* * *

Edward stepped out of Alphonse and his shared room at the Central Military HQ, his black boots were silent on the linoleum bleach white floors, if it wasn't for the thick wooden door of the room slamming loudly just inches behind his back his exit wouldn't have attracted the attention of stray officer's wandering the halls as the end of their work day crept near and they retired to their own rooms.

Their stares didn't linger though since often Edward Elric was the cause of some loud commotion or disturbance. He was well known for flying off the handle and yelling at random whether he was justifiably upset or just unhappy about the perception of his lack of height. The sixteen year old blonde had a reputation and so he was over looked.

He was grateful at east for everyone's disinterest…he supposed.

He stood outside of the room door with his head hung slightly, his pin straight rich blonde bangs hanging over his face, hiding his expression.

His pale lips were pulled tightly down at the ends, his teeth grit tightly behind them.

His brow, as it was very often, remained in a sad and frustrated frown, his golden eyes filled with emotion, mostly anger and self loathing…

…so much self loathing.

Edward felt this way so often is was second nature most days, ever since the transmutation, ever since he'd watched his brother's body disintegrate bloodlessly, as if his flesh had never been real before slipping from his reach beyond the gate, Edward lived with the hate he had for himself.

Disappointment at his flaws, his in capabilities, his human limitations and his mistakes.

So many mistakes and so much regret, so much guilt…so much blame.

He tensed his fists tightly, his automail fist making a sound of steel tensing against itself, another reminder of his faults and mistakes…two limbs less of his were still real.

Would they ever be real again…

After so many years, four whole years since he'd become a state alchemist and yet here he was, different in strength and experience but with no more confidence than he ever had in himself as a twelve year old.

Weak and unable to full fill his promises to Alphonse.

The philosopher's stone held no salvation, not when it came at the expense of human life.

There was no equivalent exchange in murdering someone to gain something personally. It was wrong, so obviously wrong and Edward was faced with that no matter how many times he read through the notes and books. Useless.

He raised his head once he felt calm enough and glanced down the hall both ways before deciding to go to one of the public lavatories in the building. At this late time of day when the sun had set and evening was settling in he knew the military main building was mostly empty, so he could seek some privacy in there for a little while.

As he walked, hearing his steps in the silence, he became aware of the headache steadily growing worse and making his temples feel like they were throbbing, his jaw felt tense as well and fatigue was rife in his daily routine making him sluggish and affecting his performance in fights and even when facing Mustang's verbal spars. Mostly for the fact he hardly slept when he was close to resources.

Being at the military branches, especially central, always drove him into studying seclusion. Allowing his young genius brain to absorb, break down and force as much knowledge on anything alchemically related into his mind hour after hour, book after book, as was possible without passing out from a headache or exhaustion. Because he had to find a way to do the impossible…even if he knew there was no way…because he'd promised.

He'd promised to try…even if he didn't think there was anyway to succeed.

Alphonse couldn't know he felt this way.

He'd been at the central HQ for two weeks now after traveling to a small town to follow through on some stupid errand Mustang had ordered to be completed, after which he'd returned.

They had no where to go at that moment, no more leads had come up…nothing important, not since the information about human lives being an ingredient to the answer to their goal.

Snorting in derision of himself, Edward shoved the door to the lavatory open harder than was necessary as he walked into the brightly lit room. He narrowed his eyes; his vision was a little blurry since he'd spent all day reading as well as all of the night before.

He walked over to the row of wash basins and leaned on one close to the far end, he hesitated a moment before looking at his reflection in the mirror. He was thinner, his fair skin had an ashen color to it and his eyelids were a little red while underneath his eyes were slightly dark.

He wasn't doing so good.

He only barely ate because Alphonse nagged him too.

Nausea and stress kept his appetite low usually.

He pretended to sleep when Alphonse was around, even though he really hardly did, or he would face the lecture of how he shouldn't abuse his body that he was lucky to still have.

Lucky…?

He blinked at his reflection and swallowed slowly watching as his adam's apple shifted beneath his pale throat, his throat hurt from all the yelling he'd done just 15 minutes ago before he'd left the room.

He'd argued with his brother…he hated hearing that hopeful tone of voice Alphonse always had.

_'There has to be another way…'_

_'We can't give up, we've come so far.'_

_'How can you say it's for nothing? Is having our bodies back nothing to you brother?'_

_'I know we can find a way brother…'_

_'I know you can find a way **brother**…'_

"Arrrgh…" Edward looked away from his reflection, "…I can't do anything, you over estimate me Al…" he shook his head sadly, "…it's just dead ends…" he frowned deeply and gripped the basin, "…if I had a whole body I'd offer it as equivalent exchange for yours if I knew it would work…so I wouldn't feel this way."

**Guilt.**

His skin crawled and the harsh light made him avoid his reflection, it was too obvious how weak he was in that mirror.

"Weak…" he muttered and swallowed again, his throat was sore and his mouth was dry.

His head ached.

His shoulders were so tense, his spine felt sore and his shoulder stub even hurt as he turned around slowly, moving his automail arm and leaned with his back to the mirror against the basin, crossing one foot over the other as he relaxed a little.

He always tried to be optimistic around everyone, smiling and letting his temper come before his angst. Rather he yell and fight for what he was doing than wallow in his helplessness when people were looking.

There was so much expectation it was stifling. Like his nightmares that were always just beyond the point of a light nap…and his desperate thoughts whenever he sat alone in the bathroom of submerging himself in the bath tub and swallowing back enough water so his lungs would seize up and give him an end where he'd feel no guilt.

He smiled bitterly, even the consideration of suicide made him feel weak and guilty.

That would be running away, the easy way out.

"Rather kill myself trying than to just kill myself…" he mumbled as he stared at the scuff marks on his boots.

He sighed and slipped his fingers of his flesh hand into his hair, massaging at the point where his braid began, the back of neck was tense and sore. His hand brought several strands undone when he removed his thin flesh fingers from his hair.

Idly Edward pulled his braid forward, absently pulling the elastic off and letting it settle around his flesh wrist as he ran both hands back through his hair, neatening his hair after a long day of it being braided.

He re-braided it with his eyes closed, his bangs falling forward as he did so but his mind was wandering.

He enjoyed having some privacy, even if anyone could walk in, this silence allowed him gather his thoughts and sort his anger. Once his braid was done he unbuttoned the top clip of his black over jacket and ran his hand over the front of his neck, massaging his cool skin with a sigh, feeling the warmth of his own hand on his neck was comforting.

He frowned as his frustration surfaced again and he felt a distant ache run from his head to his toes. Privacy was a luxury. Company was an even bigger luxury.

Edward made an annoyed sound when the ache passed through him again, this time a little more accurately settling in his lower abdomen region and threatening to get worse.

He almost never indulged himself and even when he did, it was never as good as it could be with someone else.

What he wanted was almost impossible to come by…three times only…over the last year.

If Alphonse found out Edward's shame would be too great so he wasn't about to take risks.

No…luxuries were not permitted.

Even though he wanted to be jealous of Alphonse's lack of puberty, he'd feel guilt thinking of how Alphonse would probably appreciate it much more than he did.

He'd also be a lot less twisted and dirty about it probably. He felt a little nauseous again.

Edward rolled his eyes, his brother would be a suave ladies man one day without a doubt, even in that suit of amour he was a smooth talker.

It was a little annoying being not only shorter, Alphonse had always had those few inches on him even when they were ten, and also being the one who had no idea how to smooth talk a girl…not that he thought such a skill would be useful to him in general. But where Winry and her wrench were concerned, being able to smooth talk her might save him a few scars in the long run.

He smiled just slightly to himself, glad he was able to still find something pleasant in all the shit he was drowning in.

Even if his anger was always just bubbling underneath the surface, it wasn't so bad to hide it.

It kept Alphonse positive.

One of them needed to have a reason to wake up everyday.

"Ah damnit…I should apologize.." he said aloud and turned back to the mirror, his expression dour again at the thought of apologizing when he really didn't even want to see Alphonse right then, facing his brother's empty body would only make him angry again…at himself.

He stared at himself for a moment, his hair was neater now that he'd smoothed it out and re-braided it, his bangs shifted when he hung his head.

He heard the door open and he looked up again, seeing the person who entered via the mirror.

It was Mustang, his usual bland expression on his smug face, one fine black eyebrow raised just a tad feigning interest in anything but himself…that's how Ed saw it anyway.

He was in his full uniform, always, even after everyone was gone to their dorms or out having a drink after a long day, Mustang was posture perfect with not a black strand of hair out of place.

"Fullmetal…are you talking to yourself?" he asked in his general tone.

Edward felt a tinge of irritation,

"What are you doing in here, don't you have an office toilet…" he changed the subject, not smoothly at all, since his expression said 'get lost' quite clearly.

"You have a bathroom in your room, I could ask you the same question."

"I wanted to be alone…" he looked pointedly annoyed at Mustang via the mirror, his thin blonde eyebrow twitching.

"This is a public rest room, excuse me for assuming it was meant for anyone to use." he deadpanned as he glanced around.

"…annoying, sarcastic ass-ho-…" he was mumbling to himself when Mustang, as usual, cut him off.

"I came in here because I heard someone speaking, I didn't expect you to be in here but since you are up and not doing anything productive or useful…" he said this was an amused look knowing Edward would be irritated with every condescending comment, "…come to my office." he turned and walked out.

Edward saw him disappear from sight via the mirror and then heard the door close behind him. There really was no rest for the weary.

He waited a minute longer, deciding he'd calmed his temper enough and so he turned and made his way from the rest room, walking in the direction of the colonel's office. Which was a good distance through the building, up a few flights of stairs and round many corners, passed many doors…up, up and finally he was at the doors.

He pushed the handle down without knocking since he'd been invited and stepped inside with a loud sigh, placing his hands on his hips since his leather pants didn't have any pockets…his hands wouldn't fit in them if there were since the pants left little room for it.

He kicked the door shut lightly and walked over to one of the sofas in the office, Mustang was behind his desk standing up and shuffling some papers around.

The high ceiling lights gave the room a dull artificially lit glow and the high windows were covered by the curtains hiding the dark sky outside, Mustang had obviously been on his way out.

Edward waited silently as he sat with his arms either side of him along the back of the couch, one leg crossed over the other and his usual air of disinterest about him when he was around Mustang.

He heard the sound of Mustang's boots clipping nearer against the floor and he turned his eyes from their focus on the double doors to the older man, seeing a standard manila folder being held out to him.

For a moment, a brief moment, Edward hoped it was some kind of a lead on the Philosopher's stone or the homunculi but he squashed it down quickly, he'd stopped hoping when he had learned alchemy. Hope was for fools.

He flipped it open and he clenched his jaw and turned his lip up in irritation,

"You couldn't wait until tomorrow to show me a mission file…" he mumbled not really looking for a response. It was a mission brief to some city not far from the East military branch, it would most likely take a day or two tops aside of the travelling there and back.

He vaguely wondered if he could go without Alphonse, that time alone he could use to get rid of some the tension in his body.

There was that guilt again. He made a face like he'd tasted something awful and mentally scolded himself for thinking selfishly. His physical needs were not to be put before his brother. Ever.

He glanced up from the file, having lost track of Mustang for a second he found the man was sitting across from him on the opposite sofa with his legs crossed and arms crossed over his chest, still with that formidable posture, he was staring at Edward.

"What…?" Edward asked quiet lackluster, he surprised himself.

"What do you need to apologize for?" he asked casually as if he even had a right to.

Edward's annoyance reasserted itself instantly,

"That's none of your business, don't be such a nosy bastard."

"You were in a public area, if I heard you, it's entirely your fault." plain and simple.

Edward's eyebrow twitched again and his mood decreased substantially but it was his usual Mustang related mood, not anything like the self loathing misery brought on by the argument he'd had with Alphonse earlier.

But Mustang was bringing it up and Edward could feel himself slipping back into that mindset that would leave him having nightmares of his mother's deformed transmuted form squirming just feet from him for several nights.

Guilt was truly a horrible thing.

"Yeah well…" his tone had dropped as well, "…it's still none of your business." he gave Mustang a quick angry look and then turned his golden dull gaze over to the desk lamp.

Mustang was silent a moment,

"Very well, Fullmetal. It probably wasn't an interesting story anyway, you wrack up an impressive amount of offenses on a daily basis with your loud mouth anyway." he said dismissively.

Edward closed his eyes and his mouth settled back into a straight tense line, he was aware that his mood would not be improving so long as the flame alchemist was in his presence.

"Whatever, if that's all I'm leaving…" he sat forward, bringing him to the edge of the sofa about to stand and with the file held loosely in his automail hand.

"One more thing…"

Edward tensed but allowed himself to settle back, his butt had been an inch off the surface of the sofa when Mustang spoke and his leather pants made a sound as it settled back against the red leather sofa.

"What is it?" he asked in an airy voice, politely exasperated.

"You've been here for almost two full weeks…I'm guessing you're search has hit an inevitable dead end?" he used his 'as expected you're research is useless and expensive' tone of voice.

Edward couldn't help the wave of anger that passed over him right then, sure Mustang didn't know about the ingredient needed for the stone because Edward hadn't bothered to tell since he'd found out…or he hadn't wanted to, still Edward was angry at him, at his indifference and his smug face, whether or not he was clueless to the extent of the 'dead end' they had hit.

Facing the rest of their lives in their current condition, Alphonse being a hollow unfeeling suite of armor for the rest of his life because of his own brother…who kept promising to make it right but truly had no idea how to proceed forward…

Useless.

He shook his head and his eyes narrowed uncharacteristically at Mustang, it was a malicious look but Roy saw pain behind that hard glare and he frowned when Edward yelled at him,

"Why don't you shut the hell up! It's not like you know anything helpful! I already know I'm not getting anywhere! **I'm reminded every time I look at my brother, I know I'm useless, it's not you're place to tell me that! You should mind your own business and keep your mouth shut!**" Edward had raised his voice quite a bit and he huffed when he looked away from Mustang's infuriating face.

His golden eyes had been staring Mustang down but when he'd realized what he'd said out loud he blinked and his pupils constricted in shame and anger. He hated his weakness, especially in front of Roy Mustang and his unwavering self control.

Baring his straight teeth slightly as he clenched his jaw, his hair shifted to hide his pale shocked face as he stood and made a bee line for the door.

He hadn't realized Roy had stood up and had followed him until he felt a strong hand grip his flesh upper arm.

By the time Mustang caught hold of him he'd crossed the room and was near the door, so when he yanked his arm from the older man's grasp angrily, he knew that action would leave a bruise since Roy hadn't taken a light hold, and because of that he turned and stumbled backwards at the force.

His back collided with the door, the folder and it's papers falling to the floor so he was saved the humiliation of falling flat on his ass, reminded of how physically inferior he was as well, not in combat but in plain strength, Mustang couldn't take him in a physical fight but he could over power him.

Edward felt a sudden tingle rush through him, that frustration announcing itself and this time heat settled in his loins.

As he leaned against the door he felt himself pale again, shame…so much shame came over him as he realized what the idea of the colonel over powering him had incited in himself.

That was arousal and it made Edward want to suffocate himself for such a disgustingly weak thought. He knew he was sexually frustrated, he knew he could do with a dismally overwhelming fuck that would leave him in both pain and satisfaction, but at that time, at such a time when he should be angry at Mustang and blaming himself for what he did to his brother…to feel something so selfish and sordid.

"…" he had no words, he pressed both palms to the door and stood up straight slowly, using the door for support, keeping his face down so his bangs hid his shock, shame and faint blush over his nose.

"Edward…" Mustang's voice was calm and a few feet away, "…something's bothering you, you're reaction just now proves that…" he stated.

Edward shook his head slightly,

"No…I'm fine. Just…" he didn't finish and keeping his head down he turned and placed his shaking hand on the door handle.

A hand fell on his shoulder and Edward froze,

"I know you think I'm just out to get you down Fullmetal, but I am on your side. You can talk to me if something's bothering you…is it about you and Alphonse, did you argue?" he was speaking, saying such concerned things, but his tone was no different than business as usual.

Edward shrugged the hand off of his automail shoulder and turned the handle down to leave.

"Edward!" Mustang grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, both hands against his shoulders, he was shoved very forcefully against the door, making the back of his already aching head thud against the wood.

He hadn't expected that. Mustang had never physically handled him before.

His shoulders were pressed against the door, Mustang had him at arm's length putting just over a foot of distance between them as the taller man was looking down at Edward, a full head shorter. The colonel's gaze was steady and serious,

"You insist on being treated as an adult yet you behave like a child every chance you get. I don't want to force information out of you by scolding you but reasoning and questioning doesn't seem effective in getting answers…" he was saying very seriously, "…you haven't reported anything in almost a month, which is a direct violation of your orders, Fullmetal."

He paused and Edward just kept his gaze down, although he was shaking with anger, more and more pissed off at Roy's monotone when talking about such a sensitive subject.

Looking down at him, speaking down at him. Always holding that stupid military ranking over his head as if Edward became a government militant with some sort of patriotism in mind.

Like he cared about the wars or the Fuhrer's reign…

All he wanted, all he ever wanted was to get Alphonse's body back, everything else was just a means to an end. Now that end was dead and he was just that.

A dog of the military being spoken down to by a superior officer he was obligated by law to listen to.

"You're hiding something…" he said bluntly, "…tell me what it is…now." his grip on Edward's shoulder's tightened and so did Edward's fists at his sides.

"You'll have a report tomor-"

"Now, Fullmetal! That's an order." he raised his voice.

Edward's breathing increased as his anger rushed to the surface,

"Fine…I'll tell you…you insufferable prick…" he said it quietly but his tone was so harsh it made Mustang frown, that had actually hurt the usually stoic colonel.

Edward raised his voice a little and looked straight up into Roy's face, no sign of tears even as his voice trembled and he spoke through clenched teeth,

"…I know how to make a philosopher's stone. I finally found out how…" he saw Roy's eyes widen a bit, "…and now I also know that I can never give my brother back his body…I can never full fill all of my **useless** promises to him…" he trailed off, even as his stared at Roy, he didn't really see him.

His misery and guilt. His failure.

He saw Alphonse's ten year old face swimming in his vision, as it was taken apart right before his eyes.

He knocked his head back against the door and stared up at the ceiling.

Mustang took a quiet breath,

"If you know then why…"

"Its human lives…" Edward breathed, "…to make the philosopher's stone…people's lives need to be sacrificed."

The grip on his shoulders slackened but wasn't removed, Edward expected a stream of questions to be demanded from him but none came.

Mustang was just staring at his defeated expression.

As he stared at Edward's adam's apple straining beneath the pale skin of his throat, he realized suddenly that the younger boy had lost quite a bit of weight since he'd last seen him in the East.

He saw the lines of fatigue on the sixteen year olds face as well as the blue color of veins just beneath the flesh of his eyelids and at his temples which suggested stress.

Edward was pale, thinning and so plainly exhausted, yet he hadn't even noticed in two weeks of the blonde storming around central, parading as if everything was just dandy and adventures were around the corner.

Where was that volatile, loud mouth boy?

Mustang felt very sullen right then, upset at himself for not seeing through Edward's impressive façade sooner. The teenager certainly was more adult than he gave him credit for, he spared his brother all the stress and took it upon himself.

So much weight upon such young shoulders.

'_No wonder he's so short…'_ Mustang thought fondly but didn't say it aloud lest he upset Edward further right then.

Edward wasn't a child, not in the way a child is usually.

Immature yes, but not a child.

Edward was surprised when the hands at his shoulders pulled him forward, he closed his eyes at the sudden yanking forward and then he felt Roy's arms circle around his back, strong and firm and…warm, even through the layers of their clothing.

Edward opened his eyes as that tingle rushed through him again, his needs surfacing due to months of frustration.

Mustang was too close, he smelled too good…

Edward's eyes were just above the epaulette on Roy's right shoulder and he could smell Roy's cologne…or it could have been his hair, maybe even just his skin. The uniform covered so much, but right then he was so close to Roy's neck, it was too much for his frustrated youthful body.

Had he been less needy he wouldn't have allowed the thought to even cross his mind.

But despite his guilt he could very vividly imagine Roy's hands gripping tightly and roughly all over his naked body. He forgot about the philosopher's stone for the moment and raised his arms, placing his hands on the colonel's sides.

As if he might return the comforting…no doubt plutonic, embrace from the older man, he let his hands run downward from the colonel's upper sides, sliding his hands over the blue waist jacket, his flesh hand feeling the material of the jacket while his automail hand glided pointlessly lower.

"I'm sorry Edward, that this is the conclusion to what you've been searching for…" he was saying quietly, innocently speaking into Edward's hair, his mouth just short of being against Edward's cinnamon scented blonde hair, "…how can I make you feel better?"

It was such an ill timed question because while Mustang was probably offering some time off, counseling or just words of comfort that he was available if Edward needed anything, right then with all of the sixteen year old sexual frustration peaking, it sounded like an invitation.

It had been so long since Edward had felt warm flesh against his own.

He turned his face from the colonels shoulder and slid his flesh hand over Roy's side lower still and very quickly, without warning, his flesh hand firmly rubbed over Roy's crotch, since the military pants were not restrictive, Edward got a good feel of the colonel's package, making his face and body instantly hot.

But it ended before Edward's blush reached his face, some sense knocked back into him when Roy shoved him backwards and his head once again collided with the door, only this time Mustang stepped backward, so there was no physical contact between them.

"Aaah…" Edward groaned quietly and raised a hand to rub at the back of his head, that rejection had been very sure, he should have known, Mustang had always been obviously straight, he had been reckless just now.

Desperate…to be fucked into a bliss full state of exhaustion so he'd sleep without nightmares for one night.

"What the hell did you just do!?" Mustang yelled and actually sounded offended.

Edward looked at him, his shame and defeat reflected in his stunning eyes, the unusual color had Roy feeling uncertain about his harshness.

Had he overreacted? He didn't think so, the boy had basically cupped his balls, it hadn't felt like a mistake or misplaced hand, not at all.

"Sorry colonel…" Edward could hear the pathetic sound of his voice even through the heat in his ears and face and his blood rushing through him from his accelerated heart beat, "…what I'm looking for you can't help with…"

"What are you looking for? What was that just now?" Roy's voice was tense.

Edward felt incredibly needy right then, he was succumbing to his selfishness rather easily and he knew he'd hate himself for it but he felt desperate enough to beg.

It was just one more reason to hate himself…begging Roy Mustang to fuck him.

This would a day that would haunt him.

"I wanted…comfort, I thought maybe you were willing…" he stepped forward from the door and closed the three feet gap between him and Mustang, his hands taking a light grip on the older man's jacket even as Mustang partially back stepped again.

Mustang's arms rose, like he was uncertain of whether to touch Edward.

"I'm sorry…" he went on, hating how his voice sounded out his desperation, "…you smelled so good…and you were so warm and…" he kept his head down, pressing his forehead to Roy's chest and keeping a light grip on his jacket.

His words made Roy uncomfortable, not because Edward was a male, having been in the military for years, he knew about the other side of the fence, not well but he wasn't unfamiliar. It was because Edward was a child…maybe not like a usual child, but still, sixteen and…

"Please…Roy…" the grip on his jacket tightened.

Edward swallowed back his shame after those words, he was begging.

Hearing the pleading voice as well as his name he stared at the top of Edward's head, he was stunned, he had no words, Edward was asking him…

"Please…" he heard the word again.

…pleading with him…for what?

"Please what…?" he asked quietly.

There was a groan from the blonde, obviously he was having a hard time saying what he wanted but Roy was genuinely stunned, he wasn't trying to make this any harder for the teen.

He heard Edward mumble something and he tensed,

"What did you just say?" his hands had taken a light grip on Edward's shoulders again and his stomach felt like jelly.

"You heard me…don't make me say it again…" Edward's hands loosened their grip on the jacket and slipped around Roy's waist, holding Roy in a mock hug while Edward lifted his head and kissed at the front of Roy's neck, where the high collar didn't reach.

"Edward…this is…"

"Please…I need this…it's been so long…"

Edward's warm breath was felt under his chin and his blonde hair just barely tickled Roy's cheek and it smelled pleasant.

At the end of those words Edward's tongue was felt against the underside of his chin followed by his cold lips.

Roy was reeling, needing to re-evaluate what he thought he knew about the Fullmetal Alchemist.

First he'd said so quietly, yes Roy had heard it but had been too shocked to believe it, Edward had very candidly whispered _'Please fuck me…'_

Even with his vulgar mouth and his use of swear words in his vocabulary on a daily basis, hearing that was so shocking. And then to hear him say 'it'd been so long'.

Edward then had…

'_He's been with someone…in this way…?' _Roy thought as he frowned.

The kisses to his neck were becoming distracting after a while and then Edward's arms slipped off his waist and Roy heard the unclipping of the buttons of his lapel and when it was open, Edward easily unhooked the hidden buttons beneath, suddenly gaining some confidence as he hurriedly opened the jacket and pushed the jacket to Roy's shoulder's.

Edward took the pause and lack of resistance as a go ahead, he already had a raging hard on beneath his leathers and he had a tingling arousal playing up and down his spine.

Edward stepped back for a moment after pushing the jacket to Roy's elbow's and Roy watched him, his eyes very serious even as his mind raced, Edward slipped his waist jacket off his pale shoulders and dropped it on the floor.

His automail arm was visible now, as well as his collar bone and the lines of his taught, expertly toned shoulders and his flesh arm. Roy had always seen the definition beneath the clothes and wondered about how a boy so young had such a honed body, but Edward was no ordinary boy and his body had seen hell.

…yet it was beautiful.

Edward reached his arms back and pulled his loose black shirt over his head, his abdomen was visible and clearly defined abs tensed with every movement, as did his flesh arm. His braid was pulled to his naked flesh shoulder after removing the shirt and as he dropped the shirt to the floor with his jacket and gloves, he used his automail arm to push the braid back. Roy stared at the thin pale face before him, framed by untidy straight blonde hair.

Edward was exceptionally attractive, whether he knew it or not.

His finely angular shaped face, his pointed nose and the intensity of his unusual eyes, Roy had admitted to himself Edward was a good looking young man many a time.

However he'd humored himself at the thought of Edward marrying that violent blonde girl, not stripping right before him and revealing every inch of a body well built beyond standard averages of a sixteen year old boy, to him.

No…Edward was hardly a child. He was a young man.

Roy had let his over jacket fall to the floor but made no further move, still feeling that while it wouldn't be hard to dive head first into this with Edward, he was still in fact sixteen and a military subordinate.

Then Edward's belt buckle sounded as the belt landed on the floor and Roy dropped his gaze from the attractive face framed by untidy blonde bangs to see Edward's thin fingers pulling his zipper down as he stepped out of his boots.

* * *

_**There should be an explicit scene here but alas tis not allowed on FF. If you'd like to read the full uncensored version. **_

_**Please follow the AO3 link on my profile. **_

* * *

The colonel was staring at the marks left on Edward's back from the floor, bruises of yellow and blue were on his shoulder blades and along his spine, he imagined Edward's elbows, hands and knees would be the same.

He felt very miserable just thinking about what he'd done, even if it was demanded of him.

This was something he could have said no to. Should have said no to.

"…Do…don't…tell…Al…f..ff..ohonse….please…" there was a sniff from Edward and the emotion in those broken words made Roy's eyes burn.

He supposed Edward's shame would be unlivable if Alphonse, as much as he believed in Edward's strong, feisty personality, were to find out there was a side to Edward like this.

"I won't tell anyone…" was all he said as he bent over for his underwear and pants, seeing the skin burns over his pelvic bone. This memory would stay with him for the rest of his years.

He had his pants on when he turned back to see Edward walking on his visibly shaking legs to where his clothes lay, he picked up his underwear and Roy just watched as he slowly got into it, his socks still on his feet and blood visible on his upper thighs.

Silence settled until Edward was dressed and had loosely re-braided his sweaty hair, visibly limping and with not a single emotion left on his face except a certain kind of relief.

Roy felt nauseated as he stood watching Edward clip his waist jacket at the neck.

His lips were swollen and his face was clearly worn, sex worn, it was clear all over his face but Alphonse…he'd never know what that looks like.

With a final glance at Roy, Edward let his shame be buried for right then, he had to leave now. He crouched down to gather together his mission papers and then he'd return to his room to shower and wash away the blood from his thighs and everywhere it dried. There was no semen since Roy hadn't broken the law of equivalent exchange but cumming a second time.

…of course Edward could also imagine that the sorry sight of him writhing on the floor just didn't do anything for the 'hetero' that Roy was.

He stood up with his back to Roy,

"Good evening Lieutenant Colonel Mustang, I'll leave on the mission tomorrow. I won't return for a while but I'll send you my official report's monthly." he said in such a normal tone, even if his actions were still and unanimated.

"Edward…" Roy said when the blonde had reached for the key in the door.

He didn't turn around, he simply unlocked the door then waited with his hand on the handle.

Roy wondered if he should say anything but went ahead before deciding fully,

"Be careful…of the people you encounter this way." he stared at the back of the blonde's head, concern clearly in his eyes.

He heard Edward scoff,

"Whatever, colonel ass-hole…" he opened the door, walked out and slammed it behind him.

That had sounded like Edward on any other day.

Edward Elric.

Roy would have to rethink everything he ever thought he knew about the Fullmetal Alchemist.


	2. Snuff

**AN:I had absolutely no original intention of writing a follow up to Skin Ticket. Then I made the mistake of listening to Slipknot again and got all chapter is named respectively after the Slipknot song that inspired it, Snuff.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Slipknot music.**

* * *

**Snuff**

* * *

It was raining outside, it had been raining all week in Central.

The type of rain that fell consistently and left the grassy grounds of Central HQ soggy and the concrete dark and puddled, it cast shadows over everything all day and made the offices and halls seem dark, dank and unpleasant.

Although HQ was generally an unpleasant place, being a military building, the rain just made it worse. Roy hated rain, besides it being for obvious reasons, he also hated nothing more than having to put his still damp coat on at the end of the day only to head back out into more rain and then again the following morning. He hated carrying a damn umbrella too, having to drive to and from work in the slower traffic while lightening clapped and thunder rumbled, people honked their horns and his wind screen wipers squeaked across his windshield monotonously.

Rain all week.

The week had been long.

As expected with the weather like this there'd been reports of sunken roads and landslides in the hilled areas, happening throughout Central and on its outskirts; even flooding and a few casualties reported to have drowned, then there was damage to military property, military construction projects were postponed costing thousands of thousands of Cenz…etc

All of that just made it worse for him because it amounted to paper work…so much paper work.

He was seated behind his desk in his large office, staring through five uneven piles of paper and folders of incomplete work at what he could see of the front of his office. The view of half of his closed double doors, part of the grey/green office wall and a side part of the maroon leather couches were a far better sight right then than the endless black ink scrawled across the case files, forms, requisitions, invoices, budget reviews, licensing forms and dockets piled around him.

He sighed leaning with his elbows on his desk, glancing at his bare fingers and the dull smudges of ink on his thumb and index finger of his right hand. It was just after four pm, the day wasn't even close to over since he usually only left the office any time after eight.

It had been a late week as usual for him, he'd been leaving the office at about nine or ten every night in recent months but now with the added rain drenched nature of it, it was much worse…

It was no fault of the military mind you, Roy just hadn't found much interest in returning home lately.

He blamed it on his recent serious failed relationship, it made his house seem like a dead zone.

He'd invested so much time into the relationship after all, two years was a year and a half more time in a relationship than Roy had ever made the effort for before he'd met the younger petite doctor.

They'd even moved in together!

Riza, Havoc, Breda…they all kept asking him when was he going to pop the question, when would he marry the woman he'd decided to commit too after years of casual relationships and emotionless sex.

It had been **that** serious, he'd even had trinkets on his home shelves, scented candles in his bathroom, brighter curtains on his large oriel windows co-ordinated with some new furniture in different rooms of his house.

There had even been low fat foods in his cupboards and in his refrigerator.

Extra pillows on his bed that served no purpose other than to appear fancy.

Make up on the bathroom counter, scented soaps…you name it…his house had it.

The signs of a woman.

And everything had been fine, great even…until the one night he went on a double date with Riza and her fiancé, Riza had innocently started talking about her upcoming nuptials and their plans, which had turned into the question of 'When are you two getting married?' inevitably.

Roy should have seen it coming.

Riza and the others had teased him about it at the office but she knew better than to ask such a thing in front of his girlfriend, anyone who knew Roy knew as much. Roy was in a committed relationship, which was a feat in itself, expecting more was just too ambitious. But her fiancé was clueless and he pitched the question in a smug fashion, like he'd been the better man to pop the question first since he and Riza had been together for just over a year only.

Roy had smiled, casual and prepared to brush it aside, Riza sipped her white wine and looked amused expecting Roy would do as much.

It was actually amusing, until his dear female companion looked at him and smiled in that curious expectant way that meant trouble for him if he didn't venture an answer.

Well…it hadn't gone well at **all**.

Because it had dawned on him right then as he stared at her expectant expression…that he didn't want to get married…**ever.** He didn't want children either when he thought about it hard enough.

He'd raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth saying 'I don't actually foresee marriage in my future…' proceeding to eat another spoonful of his dessert.

Perhaps he could have worded it better, he could also have bothered to argue or call after his dear girlfriend as she stormed out of the house a few hours later.

But he hadn't because deep down…Roy didn't want to compromise himself into a situation he didn't want to be in.

He was a General of the State Military, his career was looking especially promising since Fuhrer Grumman had taken ill many times that year and he was first in line to take his place if all went well and his record was impressive enough amongst his peers.

No…marriage would only serve as a distraction.

So no matter how pretty a red head she was, or how lovely her smile was, however long her legs were…she didn't get it.

She didn't understand Roy and of course, with that obstacle in the way, how could they have hoped to move forward?

That had been a few months back, she'd since fetched her things and looked hopeful he might change his mind but there was no room in Roy's life for change, not change as drastic as marriage and children.

Still, it was a sad parting; he'd truly cared for her and the house seemed emptier now that she wasn't there.

Everything seemed a little emptier, too quiet, he'd lost his appetite…waking up alone had been hard too, he wasn't sleeping well.

He sighed again and rotated his chair to his windows so he could look out over the wet grounds of HQ, the rain kept falling heavily and blurring the ceiling to floor windows and the view beyond, he absently loosened the top clip of his uniform jacket and relaxed his usual proper posture.

He remembered a time when he would have went out after a failed attempt at a relationship and had rebound sex with the first hot woman he saw with killer legs and a great smile, but not once since the breakup had he even thought about being with anyone else, he just didn't have any desire for it.

There was no one he'd seen that had raised his interest…and so he resigned himself to just passing his days until something changed.

Something had to change…

* * *

"Sir…I'll be leaving for the day." Riza stood in the door way of his office, hand on the door handle, hand bag and coat over her other arm, poised to leave.

He knew her fiancé was waiting at the HQ entrance for her to go home.

He looked up from his paper work, reading spectacles settled on his nose and his pen pressed to the signature line of a document. He blinked a few times, adjusting to the dull lights in his office.

He didn't even know when they'd been switched on.

He glanced behind him to find the curtains to his large windows were still open and the sky was dark,

"What time is it?" he mumbled and looked over one of the significantly smaller piles of paper work he'd gotten through at the clock mounted on the far wall.

"Lost track of time again, General? Perhaps you should leave early, it is a Friday and Monday is a public holiday, you could use the rest." Riza said with a smile.

Roy looked back at her, last he'd checked the time it'd been 4.30 pm and now it was almost 8, the hours had blurred together once he'd gotten stuck into his piles of paper work and buried his personal issues under it.

"Hm…I forgot about the holiday…" he sighed and took his glasses off his face, pressing his tired eyes with a thumb and index finger.

Riza stood waiting and he realized it when he looked back up and smiled slightly,

"Uh, yes…you're dismissed." He said sounding a bit distracted.

Riza gave him a worried look,

"Have a good weekend General, try to stop working for at least a few hours." She said it in jest, but she meant it. There had been a time when Roy evaded work like a child would angst about eating their vegetables at dinner, now it was all he bothered to do and she'd become worried about it.

"You too…" Roy had his glasses back on and was focused on his work again.

He didn't see her sad expression as she left his office, leaving his door slightly ajar.

* * *

Roy stopped a moment to look away from the case file he was reading, he put his pen down and flexed his aching fingers, he knew he'd end up with carpel tunnel syndrome one day for all of the damn paperwork he'd done since joining the military.

He took his frameless spectacles off his face again, habitually rubbing his slightly red eyes and glanced at the clock, it was just after 9 pm. He'd successfully worked late again.

The piles of work left weren't half as daunting, he could now see over the tops of them; he'd cleared a lot in the last few hours.

He wasn't any happier for it though, he grimaced when he stood up, his shoulders hurt and his legs felt numb from sitting for too long, he also had a headache creeping up behind his eyes slowly.

He blamed it on the reading glasses he'd been prescribed a year ago at his last military medical exam, apparently his alchemically restored eye sight aged with him.

He actually felt old altogether these days.

He stretched out, arms forward and fingers linked so his knuckles popped and his bones made quiet cracking sounds. Times of peace had made him rusty, he managed to get to the gym some days but he didn't ever get any real physical exertion, even his Flame alchemy hadn't been used in a few years for anything more than lighting his home fire or burning some research.

He was 38 years old…a few months from 39.

He didn't bother to wonder where the time had gone; he didn't like to think about it.

He walked around his desk and over toward a closed panel built into his office wall, pulling it open by its inconspicuous handle revealed a mini bar. This was a privilege of higher ranked officers, aside from the well-stocked brandy selection in the mini bar he also had condiments for coffee, tea etc.

It was a luxury of convenience for a busy General.

It certainly saved him a trip to the canteen during his lunches, being able to keep lunch in his mini fridge.

But even the privileges got old after a while, when the novelty wore off and he realized it was just another star on his epaulette and didn't actually make a difference aside from more people answering to him, an impressive pay bump and far more work than he used to have.

It was actually boring, he never even got out into the field at all anymore.

He smirked to himself as he placed a clean snifter down and pulled open the lid of the glass diamond shaped canister containing a very expensive brandy.

It was around the time he usually had a few brandy's to tipsy himself up and then he'd call a driver and go home to a slightly alcohol induced exhaustion and pass out.

As the dark brown liquid filled the glass more than half way Roy had a feeling of distinct melancholy, like he was sure he'd hit a plateau and he wasn't sure he could see a way off of it.

He raised the glass to his lips and sniffed the liquid, not bothering to appreciate the rich scent much before he took a burning gulp and proceeded to close the canister.

He stepped out from behind the panel and pushed it partially closed knowing he'd go back in a little while for a refill. He walked with his glass back toward his desk to sit and stare at the dark rain clouded sky, wallow a little while he waited until he was ready to leave.

He placed his glass down and was about to sit in his large chair when he cast an absent glance at his doors…and did a double take. He pushed himself up by his chair arms again slowly to stand straight when he saw that someone was standing there.

And not just any someone.

"General Roy Mustang…" his name hadn't sounded so interesting to his ears in years.

Despite his grim mood, Roy cracked a smirk that wasn't bitter for once,

"Edward Elric." He said and found he enjoyed hearing himself say that name, it had really been years, "I almost didn't see you there." He settled into his chair and leaned back.

Edward raised an eyebrow,

"Is that a short joke already, old man?" he pushed himself off the door frame and walked inside.

Roy hadn't actually intended it that way but he realized that it might as well have been,

"Old habits die hard." He responded as he watched the younger man approach his desk.

"Yeah well, I'm not short so you can cut that shit out." He sounded just like Roy remembered, his voice was the same, light almost airy tone with an underlying roughness, except he sounded calmer...sort of indifferent.

He also looked the same and yet not.

He dressed differently, wearing black well fitted jeans instead of leather pants and a black cotton formal shirt under a black coat instead of his vest and famous red coat. But still he had on black boots, except these had laces which he left unlaced much like he'd always left his old boots unbuckled and only his gloves were still crisp white.

His face was as Roy remembered when he'd last seen Edward in his office 6 years ago when he was 17 and he'd come to turn in his resignation from the military, angular with fine features of a young man and not a young boy.

His rich blonde hair was longer and tied back in a pony tail that hung below his mid back, no longer the braid he was so famous for before.

And yes, Edward was no longer short…he was actually another inch taller than when Roy had witnessed his last growth spurt, although that might have been attributed to the boots he wore now.

He smiled, not really having a quick response…it had been sometime, he was rusty at insulting.

Edward reached his desk and his golden eyes swept over the expanse of Roy's desk,

"Nothing's really changed has it…" he smirked as he used his left hand, out of habit Roy expected, to lift Roy's desk name plate up and read the title embossed into the steel.

Roy almost sighed again when he was reminded of just how rudimentary his life had become,

"Funny you say that…I was just thinking that exact thing a moment ago." Reflexively he reached for his brandy and took another gulp, then he went to finish it but he stopped when Edward's fingers slid round the glass stem beneath his own.

With a small tug from Edward, Roy let the glass go and looked up at Edward who had come around and was leaning against his desk next to his chair, now sniffing the brandy.

"Same expensive shit you always used to buy…" he sipped from the glass and licked his lips, "…and it still tastes like shit."

"That coming from someone who drinks highly caffeinated or sugar saturated drinks all the time means very little in the line of valid critic." He informed the younger, smiling as Edward finished what was left in the glass with a shrug.

He placed it down on the table again, turning it around once with his gloved fingers and then letting it go to pick up Roy's spectacles. He gave them a look over with raised eyebrows but he put them down without comment after a moment.

They were silent then for a minute.

Both of them somehow finding comfort in the mutual quiet.

Which was odd since they used to fight like cat and dog and they hadn't seen each other in six years.

Roy was leaning back in his chair, staring at the windows from a side angle and Edward was staring at the wet window panes as well, leaning with his arms across his chest.

It was nice but pointless; Roy knew Edward was there for a reason.

He didn't seem in a hurry though,

"What brings you to Central…?" he asked quietly, the only sound beside his voice was the rain outside and the clock ticking, "…last I heard around town, after Alphonse's full recovery you returned to Risembool and then you and he went researching at opposite ends of the world…" he glanced at the younger male.

Edward gave him a side long look and his lip quirked up into a knowing smirk,

"That's pretty accurate for random hearsay, Mustang, you sure Havoc didn't tell you that since you had him keeping tabs on me…?" he sounded amused.

Roy figured Edward was guessing, after all, it hadn't been **Havoc **specifically keeping tabs on the Elric's years ago,

"However I came into my information is irrelevant, it was said and I did hear it."

He always enjoyed how Edward would pull his face when they tried their best to annoy one another and just like old times, the blonde stayed true to his upturned lip and disapproving sound,

"Ugh, that mysterious stuff is not as sexy as you think, Bastard."

Roy chuckled and stepped around the comment, he could see this was heading into the jibes about how he chased skirts with empty heads and women were a touchy subject right then, he doubted Edward knew but he couldn't be sure.

"Again Ed, why are you in Central and how much is it going to cost me?" he stood up, not feeling the aches in his bones so much and he grabbed his glass, walking by Edward and across to his mini bar.

"Eh, much as I'd love to run the military's bill up and leave you with a headache…" he paused and Roy did as well, stopping with the canister in his hand to glance back at Edward, who was staring at the windows still, looking a little wistful, "…I'm just here on a small errand. One I should have completed 6 years ago when I turned in my resignation."

Roy had poured his second shot and turned to walk back to Edward, seeing the blonde turn to face him as he reached his desk. Edward held up his gloved hand around a familiar silver object and opened his fingers enough so that his State Alchemist watch fell to dangle from its chain between them.

Roy frowned and opened his ungloved palm beneath it and Edward let the chain fall, his expression fond on the object as he placed his hands in his pockets and gave his watch one last look before Roy closed his hand around it and turned it so he could look at it.

Not a scratch on it.

He could never say the same for Edward during his military years.

"I know legally I was obligated to return it upon resignation but with everything that happened I didn't even know where it was…then last week…" Roy looked up from the watch and found Edward was looking at him, "…I was throwing out some stuff at home in Risembool and I found my old travel case. It was in there with some other old shit." He sighed now.

Roy had always suspected Edward didn't want to leave the Military, at least not as badly as he had when he was 15, somewhere along the line he'd realized that he was more alike the dogs of the state than he'd ever imagined…he was more like Roy himself than he'd ever cared to consider.

Roy licked his lips before sipping from his brandy then he held the watch back out to Edward,

"I filed papers for it years ago, officially it was marked as 'Misplaced in the line of Duty' and you were fined for the loss of state property." he informed, "…you can keep it if you like."

Edward gave him a stink look,

"You fined me for it? You asshole…" he gave the watch in Roy's open palm a quick look and then shook his head, "…I'd rather not, too many memory's." he admitted.

"Not all bad I hope…" Roy absently slipped the watch into his pants pocket, he'd destroy it later.

"Are you kidding?" Edward leaned against the desk again and glanced at the glass Roy took a gulp from, "…you drink a lot these days, Mustang?"

Said General looked into the remaining liquid in the glass,

"It's for the nightmares Edward, sometimes I dream I'm being buried alive by paperwork and suffocating under it…" he lied casually…and only partially. He had nightmares but not about paper work.

And although he knew Edward wasn't stupid, he also knew Edward didn't give a rat's ass about his drinking habits.

"Whatever…" the blonde sighed and stood off the desk.

Mustang knew him well.

He watched as Edward walked back around the desk,

"I'm gonna get going…" he mumbled.

"Where are you going?" Roy asked before he could stop himself.

Edward turned and walked backwards to face Roy as he made his way to the doors,

"I'm leaving to the North to do some research but I still have to book a hotel room for the night." He turned again and his long hair turned with him smoothly.

"Did you arrive in Central today?" Roy placed his almost empty glass down, noticing then the suitcase at the doors that Edward picked up.

"About a half hour ago, got a cab straight here…I have to leave in the morning at 8 am." He sounded annoyed, whereas there was a time when the prospect of travelling made his golden eyes light up.

Roy found himself glancing at the wall clock again, seeing it was 9.30.

He considered something a moment and heard Edward bid him a casual 'Bye Mustang…' and then he decided to say the first thing that came to mind,

"Ed…?" he called out.

The blonde stopped, he could see him through the doors standing in the outer office.

Edward leaned his head to the side to see Mustang better,  
"What is it?" he sounded like he usually did when Mustang stopped him from leaving his office, politely exasperated.

"You hungry?"

There was a pause and then the blonde walked back toward the office, leaning his free hand on the handle of the door and giving Roy a once over,

"I could eat." He said with raised eyebrows.

"As expected…" Roy glanced at his untidy desk and then walked around it, "…let's get a late dinner. I haven't eaten and I don't feel like preparing anything when I get home." He informed as he approached Edward.

The blonde seemed to think it over but Roy knew he wouldn't say no to food…at Roy's expense.

"Sounds good." He said as Roy grabbed his coat and then walked out passed him,

"Get the light's, Fullmetal." He said with a smug smile on his face.

He heard the usual grumble of 'bastard' before the click of a light switch, a door closing and Edward's footfalls behind him.

* * *

They'd taken Roy's car to a small late open restaurant in Central Main District, where Friday night lifers were still out this late and into the early morning.

The restaurant wasn't busy though since most people were in bars or nightclubs on a Friday.

They sat at a table inside because the rain, despite having slowed to a lighter fall, was still persistent.

Roy tossed his coat into the booth and sat down with a huff, hating the weather. Edward did likewise with his coat and sat down across from Roy, picking the menu up straight away.

Roy appreciated that even after all these years, he could still be around Edward and not feel obligated to behave a certain way. It was probably by his own leniency all those years ago that he developed the sort of relationship with Edward that required no pretense and he didn't really regret it like he used to think he would.

Edward didn't expect anything from him and that made him feel at ease.

A waitress came quickly since the place was empty and Roy ordered himself a glass of red wine, Edward ordered a soft drink which came as no surprise.

When she walked away Roy lifted his own menu and paged through it, finding that his appetite wasn't all that prominent even when he wasn't cooking his own dinner.

"I'm surprised you didn't check out her ass as she walked away, Mustang. She was definitely your type." He looked up to see Edward smirking as he looked over his menu.

Roy blinked, he hadn't even paid attention to what she looked like,

"…what type would that be, Ed?" he humoured.

There was a snicker,

"Female and breathing…"

"I think you've confused me with Havoc…" Roy flipped the menu closed, having decided what he'd eat.

"No…I don't think I did." Edward's face as he looked over the menu suggested Roy's bill would be high.

"I assume you're choosing everything that's going to put a dent in my pocket…" Roy mumbled as he leaned forward, elbows on the table, he trailed his eyes over the smile that formed on Edward's face at his words.

He didn't respond to that though, instead sticking to the previous line of questioning,

"So what's your deal, not checking out hot waitresses or bragging about your girlfriend stealing conquest's…" he glanced up and across at Roy, "…you got a girlfriend or something."

Roy had seen Edward's eyes take a quick look over at his hands on the table and he frowned,

"Did you just check for a wedding ring…?" he raised a fine black eyebrow behind his pitch black bangs.

Edward closed the menu finally and leaned back, shifting sideways and crossing his one leg over the other,

"I heard some stuff too, just asking."

'_Ah…so he has heard…'_ Roy felt a little guarded all of a sudden,

"What have you heard?"

Edward seemed amused,

"Last I heard, people were saying that the ladies' man of Central, Bastard General Roy Mustang, was finally ready to settle down with some long term girlfriend." He looked like the idea made him want to laugh.

Roy was grateful that there was no genuine interest besides the need to poke fun at him,

"Ah I see…I'm afraid the rumor mill has misled you and your farm town folk. I am indeed still a bachelor." He smirked when he saw Edward twitch at his quip about Risembool.

Edward thrived in the city but he never did like it when people insulted his little home valley.

"Eh…figured it was bullshit. The idea of you getting married was ridiculous anyway…" he said it in the way only Edward could, the way that said –I'm always right anyway-

And he was right, because Roy was not husband material.

There was some silence and Roy found himself thinking about his failed relationship too much so he decided to keep the conversation moving past himself,

"What about you Ed, do you have a girl…friend…" he said the words with a pause because very suddenly and leaving him a little startled, he remembered something.

He remembered something he'd long forgotten, something he'd specifically meant to forget.

Events that transpired in his office years ago…between himself and Edward.

How deep had he buried that memory that it startled him to recall it now after all this time?

He felt like he'd broken into a cold sweat at the memory but when he looked at Edward, the blonde seemed unphased,

"Nope…I'm still too busy to bother with that junk. Maybe someday…" he said sounding indifferent.

Whether Edward had completely forgotten Roy didn't know but he didn't remind him and just nodded, trying to think of a subject change when something occurred to him and he went with it,

"How did you know I was at the office?"

Edward blinked at him,

"I called your house a couple times…no answer…" was all he said.

Roy nodded.

Ed blinked and moved his nose around a little.

Thankfully the waitress came back to take their order.

* * *

Edward ordered rather specifically which surprised Roy, he'd expected the blonde to just order anything expensive and then figure out what to eat but apparently Edward wasn't as immature as he once was.

Although with the memory having resurfaced, Roy found himself once again thinking about the definition of the word mature, age differences and Edward Elric as he once knew him.

He was a man now, by Roy's calculation he should be 23 or 24 years old, he'd grown up well, was very attractive and being a young genius with endless potential it made him quite a catch. He'd done things no alchemist had ever managed before and he'd been through suffering and pain some people never even get a taste of in their entire lives…

Edward had beaten the odds against him and come out on top.

Roy supposed that one night really hadn't changed his image of Edward after all, he'd forced it from his mind and every time after that when he'd seen Edward, the boy had been normal…as normal as Edward was anyway.

Loud, obnoxious, rude, insensitive, brilliant Edward.

So what had that night actually been about?

Comfort? That's what Edward had called it.

Not lust, desire, attraction…just comfort.

He'd never bothered to really think about it before.

He had treated it so clinically. Treated Edward so clinically.

He looked across the table at Edward who was finishing off his steak and then he glanced around for a clock in the restaurant but didn't see one.

It was probably well after ten, the restaurant had most chairs upturned on the empty tables, it was only he, Ed and another couple still lingering in the low lit establishment, the air smelled of rain and mixed herb and spices.

He had eaten just more than half of his pasta dish and decided he wasn't hungry anymore.

Edward's knife and fork made a clinking sound as he placed them one over the other on his empty plate, everything except the onion rings and salad garnish was eaten. Roy turned his attention back to the blonde then,

"Do you want dessert?" he said with a smirk, knowing full well Edward could probably make room for some elaborate ice cream dish.

But Edward surprised him with a subtle shake of his head as he pulled his gloves back on,

"No, thanks." he said rather ordinarily, too ordinary, "I need to find a hotel and it's already really late." He glanced at Roy, "Thanks for the dinner, turns out I was hungrier than I thought." He gave a mild grin and absently reached back to smooth out his pony tail.

Roy glanced up at the waitress, who seemed relieved that they were done when Roy gestured with his hand and a nod that he wanted the bill.

When he looked again to Edward he had a small smile on his face, Roy raised his eyebrows in question and lifted his wine to drink what was left of his second glass.

The blonde looked at the table and then back at Roy,

"Just thinking, since your being unusually nice to me…maybe you could give me a ride to the nearest hotel. It's still fucking raining." He gestured to the doorway of the restaurant and the constant downpour.

Roy nodded and placed the glass down, licking his lips but before he could say anything Edward frowned,

"What's up with you anyway, Mustang? No insults, jokes, sarcasm…? It's weird…" he said softer than he usually spoke, like he wasn't trying to draw attention to them.

There was a time when Roy's head would have been flooded with quick witted replies and clever retorts to Edward, it was true, but right then after a long day feeling so tired he realized something about himself and surprised himself even more when he mumbled it aloud,

"I think I'm getting too old for that sort of thing."

Edward stared at him, apparently just as stunned about such an admission as Roy himself was, blinking at his own words he avoided Ed's golden gaze.

Then he managed a small laugh,

"And besides, you really aren't **that** short anymore…"

* * *

Edward really wasn't so short anymore; Roy took note as they left the restaurant walking side by side minutes after his awkward admission. The blonde was now at the height of Roy's nose more or less, while he supposed it was short where most of the men Edward was acquainted with were concerned, it wasn't universally short as far as height went.

Although he knew Edward would prefer a few more inches.

They stepped out into the shelter just outside of the restaurant, the doors closing behind them and the other couple walking off under an umbrella, closely huddled together as the rain fell a little harder than before.

"Fucking rain…" Edward mumbled, the first words he'd said since Roy's last words.

"Indeed." Roy added. He felt Edward glance at him and he heard the smirk in his voice,

"Is that why you're not wearing your gloves…?"

Once again Roy felt old and as Edward implied…useless. He'd actually fallen out of the habit of wearing his gloves when he went out in public because at some point they'd literally just started to collect lint from his pockets.

So he simply smiled as a response and he saw Edward give him a confused look, however brief it was and then he very quietly mumbled,

"I guess things have changed."

_'Yes…they have.'_ Roy thought to himself and he cringed when he straightened his damp coat on his shoulders.

Thunder rumbled and they both looked up at the sky, Roy's car was in view across the street but neither moved just yet. Roy was in no hurry because he didn't look forward to returning to his house by himself, he hadn't become sufficiently drunk because he knew he had to drive which meant getting to sleep tonight would be impossible.

And Edward, despite him saying he needed to find a hotel, didn't seem like he really had any urgency in it either.

So many years later, so many achievements and yet still the two of them remained looking like they still needed to find something in their lives, they both still seemed empty.

And Roy felt useless now as Edward had once felt…or did they both still feel useless…purposeless?

"What's your research about?" Roy wondered suddenly.

Edward glanced at him from the point in the clouded purple/grey sky he'd been staring at,

"It's not **my** research." He said quietly and Roy looked at him, "It's for Al, he's been running the new Alchemic Medical Research department at a University in New Optain and he's asked me to help out…so I'm going to follow up some leads…"

Roy could see it right then, he could see he was right as he looked into the dull resignation written over Edward's features, he was purposeless even with all he still had to achieve and do, just like Roy felt.

"I'm surprised…I would have expected you to be nose deep in your own alchemic advances research. You always had piles of theory papers when you were still with us, you always said you'd get to proving them when you had the time. After Alphonse's restoration I would have assumed you'd have all the time in the world." He said a little louder at the end because lightening flashed and thunder rolled over the sky again.

Edward's face became somber and Roy found himself wanting to know what thoughts were in that complicated mind right then.

"Yeah well, my circumstances changed…can we get going?" It was none too smooth a subject change, accompanied by a forced look of indifference in Roy's direction.

Roy nodded and they both stepped out of the shelter of the awning at the same time, their boots causing a splash in the collection of water running along the road sides to the drains.

They ended up in a light jog across the street and got into the car quickly, Edward slamming the door and running his wet fingers through his wet bangs, which were clumping together to form thick dark blonde strands against his cheeks. Roy's own pitch black hair was flat on his head and clinging to his forehead and temples, he could feel the rain water running down the back of his neck annoyingly.

He blinked in the silence of the car after slamming his own door; he could hear Ed's light breathing in the silence as he untangled his wet ponytail. Roy looked over at him, his eyes taking in the sharp features, pointed nose, defined jaw line, pale lips…

Roy had once kissed those lips hadn't he? Why was the memory so vague?

So much had happened after that he could only think it had been blurred under all of the other stuff that over shadowed that night. For one thing…seeing the Gate…that trumped a lot of other things he'd once deemed important to remember.

There had been a time after his incident with the Gate when his mind had had a delayed jumbled reaction to all the information and he had started having nightmares so awful he woke in cold sweats and even in screams.

He knew Edward probably experienced the same thing all of his adolescent life…maybe even still.

The Gate gave you knowledge and took physical equivalent exchange…but not just that, it did worse…it left a certain hollowness in its wake and a chill in his limbs most early mornings that lasted hours.

That memory…of that thing…had blurred a lot of others…somewhere in there he'd forgotten that night in his office with Ed.

The look on Edward's face as he pleaded…the sound of his shaken…needy voice and the taste of his mouth…that desperate mouth that had done things to Roy that he could no longer conjure memory of feeling for.

Why did not being able to remember properly make him so upset? He frowned to himself and looked away from the blonde, that memory was not meant to be thought upon fondly…

He'd taken advantage of Edward, he was the adult, he should have said no.

"…-ang? Mustang!" Edward's voice finally reached through his thoughts.

He turned back to look at him and Edward raised an eyebrow and leaned back in the car seat, an arm up on the door arm rest, "…you haven't started the car…you keep spacing out." yet he didn't ask about why and instead just looked ahead, through the windshield.

Roy thought he looked uncomfortable and he wondered if Ed had seen him staring, probably.

"Yes, right…I'm tired. It's been a long day…" he raised his car keys which he'd been holding tightly in his wet hand.

"Yeah I get it…so the sooner you drop me off you can go home, old man." Edward's words seemed louder in the silence of the car, even as the rain was a loud hum around them.

_'Home…'_ Roy was not looking forward to that. Big…silent…dark…house.

He started the car and felt a light go on in his head; having Edward beside him he realized now…or rather, he was reminded of why being home alone bothered him so much. It wasn't the absence of his ex-girlfriend…it was **emptiness** of being alone in his house.

Just a week after he'd started sleeping alone again…he'd started having **those** nightmares again.

"Edward…" he heard himself say, "…instead of a hotel, you could stay at my house tonight." He really didn't know why he was making such an offer, was some pathetic unreasonable part of himself hoping that he wouldn't have nightmares if someone else was in his house…?

…it was hardly the same thing as having someone close, sleeping beside you to remind you what was real…

…or was that what he was subconsciously…expecting…hoping for…?

No, that was ridiculous.

Even as he sat there he felt no sexual desire to be with anyone…least of all…

He looked over at Edward who hadn't answered, his expression was thoughtful.

Roy didn't say anything else, he just put the car into gear and started driving off from the curb.

He had been driving in the direction of the nearest hotel but as he neared a turn off which was on route to the street where his house was, Edward glanced at him,

"Yeah, I'll stay over at your place." He said it casually, not even all that quietly.

Roy didn't respond, simply took the turn off and was surprised Edward remembered where he lived. He was sure that Edward had only been there a few times as a teen to drop off a late report or pick up a research docket.

Neither said anything through the remainder of the drive, Edward sat very still and Roy kept his eyes forward on the wet road, focusing on his annoying windshield wipers.

After he'd parked off on the street outside his house and the car was switched off, silence settled again.

Edward didn't linger, he reached over the seat to the back and grabbed his single suitcase and then opened his door and got out, slamming it behind him and Roy followed.

* * *

Roy flicked the double light switch on, for the foyer and the living room and moved aside for Edward to enter.

Edward was already taking his wet coat off as he stepped in and put his suitcase down. Roy thought it was a great idea, since his own coat was drenched and uncomfortable, that idea was punctuated by another clap of lightening as he shut the door and dropped his keys on a table in the corner under a side door window.

"You can hang it here…" Roy said as he shrugged his own coat off, standing next to the coat hanger in the foyer.

"Thanks." Edward hung his black coat up and Roy hung his own beside it, a small wet puddle would form there on the tiled floor but Roy didn't care.

He turned to Ed who was brushing down his partially damp shirt with his hands and stepping out of his wet boots.

Roy was grateful for that, Edward was not as oblivious to being polite and courteous as he thought.

He removed his own boots and then noticed Edward was waiting for him.

He gestured ahead of himself to exit the foyer and walked ahead, Edward followed after picking up his suitcase and they entered into the living room, a large space with off white leather sofas, heavy burnt orange drapes, dark wooden shelves with personal decorations and soft white carpeting.

"That salary bump must have been real nice…" Edward said as he looked around.

Roy smiled,

"It was…about the only thing I still enjoy about the job." He said truthfully.

"This…is not you." Edward smirked with amusement as he walked over to the shelf and picked up a porcelain miniature cat ornament and then he turned his eyes to the soft carpet and the curtains, the lamps at the side of each sofa had tassels hanging from them.

He looked back to Roy who was giving his living space a once over as well…yes, it was still the way she'd left it mostly.

"You don't think I could make a living room look well decorated…" he said off handed and turned to glance at the entrance to his kitchen.

"I think…if you cared enough to decorate…you wouldn't have orange curtains, tasseled lamps and sofa cushions…" he said quite truthfully and placed the cat ornament back on the shelf.

"Burnt orange…" Roy said pointlessly and heard Edward snicker as he came toward the taller man, "…coffee?" he offered to steer the conversation away from why his house looked that way.

"Uh, no thanks…" Ed shook his head and was actually wearing a smile on his face, like he'd been genuinely amused by the house, yet he still hadn't questioned why it looked that way.

Roy looked at the damp shirt Edward was wearing,

"You should get out of your wet clothes…the guest bathroom is upstairs, down the right hall, second door on your right…and you can take the spare room opposite it." He said the last part as an afterthought, trying to organize his thoughts.

"Thanks…" Ed nodded and took a step back before turning around and walking to the bottom of the staircase visible across the lounge.

Roy watched him walk away and then he went to his front door and locked it, switching off the lights and casting himself into darkness. He walked through his familiar house in the dark and saw light from the staircase; Edward had obviously switched it on.

As he climbed the stairs he undid his uniform jacket completely and started taking it off, feeling his bones getting wearier the closer he came to his bedroom.

He stopped in his doorway, he hadn't closed the door when he'd left that morning. He took a moment before sliding his hand along the wall to find the switch and with a click he cast soft light over his bedroom.

The dreaded bed in which he'd had many nightmares in the past months was unmade, the sheets tossed untidily, all useless pillows on the floor and the others lay randomly on the bed, his continental pillows also askew against the headboard…just how he'd leave it whenever he threw himself out of bed after a fitful nightmare at 5 am almost every morning.

He thought back to the blackness of his last nightmare a few days ago and shook his head, walking in and tossing his blue uniform jacket over the chair at a standard dresser, complete with a mirror and disorganized toilet trees, hairbrush, comb, some papers, a book…a lipstick.

Roy wondered why he hadn't thrown that out…had he not noticed it sitting next to his hair brush that morning?

Although that morning seemed a blur, consisting of a scorching hot shower and clean-up, a hasty dry off, dressing was done on his way downstairs, no breakfast and out the door.

How desperately he wanted to leave his house these days…the walls felt as if they might close in on him.

It was always worse when he'd wake in the dark from a nightmare about the Gate and those ice cold rubbery hands would still be reaching out to him, that eye would still be baring down on his soul…and without a presence next to him to remind him he was there…alive…his only option was to leave the room…running.

He looked around as he pulled his white shirt out of his pants, his built in wardrobe doors were mostly ajar, hangers with shirts were on some handles, some other clothes were strewn over the doors. The floor was littered with clothes and a few pairs of unworn shoes.

He looked to his en-suite door, he knew his bathroom could use a cleanup. His laundry was starting to pile up, his shampoo was running low…the glass doors of his shower and bathroom mirrors were blurry from being un-cleaned of the water condensation and droplets.

He knew he should probably get a new cleaning lady, after his ex-girlfriend told him to fire his last one since she took over house work he hadn't bothered getting a new one yet…and Roy was no house keeper.

As he unclipped his waist tail piece from his pants belt he became aware of the sound of the guest bathroom shower running.

He frowned, if there was one person who knew more fear and pain in his life as well as his sleep it was definitely Edward. He found himself thinking maybe he should ask the younger man how he coped…then he remembered that night in his office again and he realized that Edward's coping method was no healthier than anyone who wasn't a genius.

It had been just as self-destructive as Roy's own path of sex and alcohol after the Ishvalan war, really, he'd never stopped to think of how much he and Edward had in common. Mostly because he'd been too pre-occupied with his goals and Edward with his own in the past.

Now they were both lost again…he had seen it in Ed's face.

He turned to the mirror on one of his wardrobe doors as he opened the clips of his pants and he saw the dark lines around his eyes, how fair he'd become and how tired he looked.

The memory appeared to him more vividly that time.

Edward, pressed against his office door, his face strained and exhaustion written in the lines around his tired eyes. He'd not been sleeping, Roy recognized that look now on himself, Edward had been thinner like Roy was now, he certainly did skip a lot of meals in his long days and took in more alcohol than was healthy.

His pants dropped and he stepped out of it, leaving him in his black cotton boxers then he finally shed his unbuttoned white shirt and tossed it on his bed as he passed it to enter his bathroom, a shower would get the clammy wet chill off his skin and settle the hair raising at the nape of his neck as the rain came down harder outside.

* * *

Roy stepped out of the steamed up bathroom a short while later, his cheeks, shoulders, hands and feet a burnt red from the overly hot water. Any other flush tinged area was covered by a fresh pair of boxers after he dropped his towel from his waist and onto the bed.

His hair was still wet and it dripped over his neck and down onto his back making him shiver, he quickly picked up the towel from the bed to rub at his hair roughly, he needed to wash his towels more often, this one had been his last clean one for the week.

As he slowed his rubbing he remembered he had a guest bathroom and in it was clean towels that hadn't been used, if only his mind was not so distracted he might have had the sense to think about it.

He pulled out a clean pair of plain navy blue pajama pants and a white T shirt from his drawers and wardrobe, sniffed them to confirm they were clean and then put them on.

He felt a little better now that he was clean, dry and not rain drenched but he was still exhausted.

He wanted to get into bed to start his struggle for sleep but he thought he'd better check on Edward first.

He walked down the hall, passed the stairs in the direction of the guest rooms and bathroom. The hall light was still on but the lights downstairs were off, so Edward hadn't ventured downstairs to raid his fridge, the thought made him smile.

Some part of him could very easily imagine Edward sitting on his counter drinking juice from the carton while chewing through a sandwich, the contents of which it was made from splayed around him on the counter.

He'd seen that before but it had been in the kitchen of Hughes one time when the Elric's had been visiting and Roy had stopped over to see Maes. Gracia hadn't seemed to mind Edward's homely comfort and she actually encouraged both Ed and Al to feel at home.

When last had he seen his best friend's widow?

He'd heard she had started dating again a while back…but Riza never did say anything else, probably because Roy hadn't shown any interest.

He didn't think too hard on his self-loathing tunnel vision of recent years and instead turned into the room opposite the guest bathroom, the door was open and the light was on so Edward was probably awake.

Decent however, didn't cross Roy's mind until he was standing in the doorway and looking at the pale smooth, lean muscled bare back of Edward Elric with a light blue towel settled low on his hips and covering down to his knees.

Edward was unaware he was there, he had another towel over his head and was rubbing dry his long wet hair, Roy could see the ends of the blonde hair dangling out from where Edward wasn't rubbing it together and he could even see a few tendrils clinging to Edward's upper back, still wet…

He saw the ridges of Edward's shoulder blades move beneath his skin then focused on the sharp rises of his spinal cord curving with his back…then he started noticing the scars…so many…scars.

Scars Edward hadn't had when he was last naked…beneath Roy.

The dark haired male blinked away the sight of Edward laying beneath him…the feel of his smooth inner thighs around his waist. It seemed to be coming back to him…fluently.

Edward sniffed, he pulled the towel off his hair with a final twirl to ring it out and it fell over his shoulders as he stood up straight again, it looked dark and thin, some curled slightly into his neck but the majority flat and straight. He rubbed the back of his neck with the towel, catching what was left of the wet hair and Roy's eyes focused on a flesh right shoulder. Discolored, dark purple/pink smooth skin stood out from Edward's natural beige complexion, right where the automail used to start.

Edward looked around, towel in hand trying to find a place to hang it right when Roy spotted the large scar on his left side, from a point on his lower back reaching to just above his lowest rib, more disfigured smooth skin, punctuated by stitch scars.

Edward had turned around and seen Roy, their eyes met and the older man blinked before his eyebrows drew together lightly,

"You didn't have that scar…before." He said quietly and gestured with his eyes to Edward's abdomen, not mentioning the reason he knew Edward's more noticeable scars.

Edward bunched the towel up in his hands and lowered his eyes to look at the scar, his defined abdomen muscles tensing as he breathed in and out, a little faster than was normal, maybe Roy's presence had startled him?

"Yeah…" he said just as quietly, "…I got that one in the North…fighting Kimblee."

Roy smirked but the slight sadness etched into his handsome features didn't waver,

"I never did get a report about your North venture."

They both remembered it was around the time Edward had gone completely AWOL from the military.

When everything had finally started reaching a dangerous peak for them both…for everyone.

"What happened?" he asked, noticing Edward wasn't asking what he doing staring at him half naked.

Said blonde looked away and walked over to the bed where he had a pair of plain white boxers set out, his suitcase was unbuckled against the wall.

He sat at the foot of the double bed in his towel, placing the other towel beside himself before he started pulling his open hair back, taking it away from his face. It allowed Roy to see a few other scars on his shoulders and even one to the side of his neck.

And a scar on the right side of Edward's forehead above his eyebrow that Roy didn't recognize. Then again it was where Edward's long bangs always usually covered…so…

"Son of a bitch ran away from our fight…but not before he decided to level the open mine shaft we were in with a fucking explosion…" he mumbled and looked at Roy as he let his hair go, it was back from his face and running down his back in a lose twirl, "…I…I fell into the mine shaft, two levels down…and when I came to I had a rebar…" he shifted his hands to gesture around his scar, "…right through my side…" he finished quietly.

Roy stared at him, there was no emotion in his face as he recalled this obviously painful memory, no tell that he'd suffered immense pain. He wondered what Edward looked like with pain etched into his stunning features…like he'd wondered just after he'd seen the face of an 11 year old sitting in a wheel chair, missing two vital limbs with a look of determination of his face.

They certainly had history.

Yet it was hard to imagine that face contorted in pure agony.

Roy didn't offer sympathies; Edward wouldn't appreciate it so he lowered his eyes, looking over more faded scars on Edward's well shaped lower leg, even sitting relaxed his calf muscle of his right leg looked tense and shapely.

_'Still physical perfection…'_ Roy noted, age had made him a little less fit and yet Edward was probably more fit than he'd been at 16. Once again Roy felt old.

"And your forehead?" he scratched his nose and shifted to lean against the doorframe.

Edward frowned and raised his right hand, thin flesh fingers ran over his forehead until they traced a faint line indent of a scar running into his eyebrow,

"Oh…I got that one when I was still in Central…from my fight with Scar." He mumbled and dropped his hand to rub at his bare shoulder.

"Ah…you have a scar from Scar…some amusing irony in that." Roy smirked with little mirth.

Edward smiled just barely,

"I have more scars than you do, old man." He said with a half sigh as he stood up again and picked his boxers up.

The words 'old man' were common place on Edward's lips, yet when he pictured himself just a few years earlier he didn't see himself as old quite like he did now. When the words felt true, they made more of an impact.

"Hm…" he made the sound.

Edward paused with his hands on the tuck of his towel around his waist when he heard Roy's quiet response, he'd been avoiding insults all night and the blonde wasn't stupid, he could tell Mustang wasn't being Mustang because something was wrong.

Just then Roy averted his gaze, seeing Edward was about to remove his towel.

A certain awkward silence fell and Edward had a bitter smile on his face as he removed his towel and pulled his boxers on, with a small soft snap of the elastic to his waist Roy turned his gaze back and his eyes rather plainly trailed their way over Edward's lean form from head to toe and then back up again.

Edward's voice brought his gaze to the blonde's face again,

"When I say…old man…you get this look on your face." he sounded almost contrite for a moment and Roy let his dark blue eyes meet Ed's questioning gold, "…does it offend you?"

Roy found himself laughing quietly, though not without some irritating bitterness,

"Why would I be offended, I am…in a sense…an old man." The words made him feel nauseous.

Edward smirked and Roy expected an insult,

"I used to call you an old man all the time and the only expression you ever had on your face was cocky bastard, then you'd usually point out something about how my need to yell all the time stemmed from a subconscious awareness that I was **very small** and I felt I needed to be heard…" he was grinning with a bit of a sneer as he recalled one of Roy's many short jokes.

Roy was glad to avoid having his age rubbed in, he smiled at the recollection though.

"You've changed, Mustang." Edward sighed.

"I suppose I have, life changes people…" he said neutrally.

"This isn't about your girlfriend leaving you is it?" Edward said rather forwardly.

Roy blinked and looked away,

"Ah…so you were just pretending to be clueless…"

"Obviously moron…no one in Amestris is not talking about the famous Flame General screwing up a great thing with a beautiful young doctor lady…" he put his hands on his bare hips, "…I never thought I'd see a woman get you down so bad…" he shook his head.

"It's not about her…" he said before he could stop himself, actually sounding a little angry at the implication when just a few hours earlier he had thought it was about her too…then Edward showed up and brought up all of his memories about the Gate and realization dawned on him.

He wasn't going to say all of that to Edward though.

Edward raised his eyebrows,

"Well, whatever it is…insecure is not a good look on you, Bastard."

"Do I come across as insecure?" he looked at Edward.

"Fuck yeah…it's like you're not even you…its weird." He admitted and moved around to the bedside, leaning over to pull the sheets back.

"And you're exactly like you've always been…" Roy said quietly.

Edward glanced at him, his hair now having fallen forward so he pulled it back again, it was much longer than Roy ever remembered. He watched as Edward picked his elastic up from the bedside table and untidily pulled his hair into a ponytail mid-way on his head.

He didn't say anything further and Roy just stared at him.

Wondering…remembering.

He placed the sight of Edward before him against the one he'd had on his office floor and in one sudden vivid recollection he could hear Edward's moans resounding in his head as he writhed pathetically and wantonly on grey linoleum.

"…then again, I didn't actually know you very well at all. Did I?" he sounded a little more hostile than he'd meant to, no smile on his face.

The blonde fixed his eyes on Roy and looked like he was thinking about what Roy said, then he shook his head,

"What's that supposed to mean?"

It was strange how the memory conjured up some buried and wrongly felt strings of arousal, Roy felt his body heat a little when he replayed Edward's kiss in his head, like a dark flash reel through his mind of moans and flesh...and bruises.

"I mean…" he didn't actually finish because he knew by the way Edward narrowed his eyes that he knew what Roy was talking about, the blonde's breathing increased, maybe a sign of irritation and not shock,

"Oh…" Edward gave a dry upset laugh, "…oh, you mean…**that**…"

**'That'** hardly described anything about that particular event.

"Is that why your acting so fucked up and weird…" that tone of voice was every bit Edward Elric, harsh, irritable and always slightly pissed off and from the way his shoulders tensed Roy could tell he'd scraped the surface of that famous temper.

Maybe Edward could find the surface beneath which Roy himself was buried.

"…you can't look at me without seeing me begging you like a fucking whore?" he added in a clipped tone.

Right…Roy hadn't seen that coming, this conversation was officially happening and it was his fault.

With raised eyebrows Roy shook his head,

"No…actually, I didn't really think about it until we were in the restaurant. And I didn't think about it in the way your describing it." He said neutrally.

Edward gave him a quick cold glare,

"So why're you bringing it up, Bastard?" he said harshly, Roy's nickname rolling off his tongue with familiar ease the more he said it.

That was a good question.

He'd been repeatedly thinking about it and trying to figure it out, why did Edward seek those sorts of trysts, why he'd done it despite all of the possible consequences that could have occurred for them both, why Edward had wanted it to begin with… and why with him?

That was possibly the question that mattered most.

Because now when Roy thought back to it…the days afterward hadn't been filled with guilt like it should have been, it had just been unasked questions…of why him, in his office…

Vividly he remembered Edward with shaken naked legs, stepping into his clothes…a quiet plea for him not to tell Alphonse…

"Because I want to know…" he blinked and saw Edward's eyes narrow, "…why you wanted that from me…?" he sounded distant even to himself.

He watched as Edward frowned thoughtfully and then his eyes lowered to the ground and he smiled, it was a slightly unsettling smile,

"Why? You want to know why I asked you to fuck me?" he said it far louder than the night he'd actually asked for it.

Roy nodded, almost afraid of Edward's perfectly shaped lips and what he'd hear from them.

Edward laughed slightly,

"There's no moving answer to your question…I didn't ask you because I **wanted** it to be **you** fucking me specifically…" he said it so very casually, staring straight into Roy's face, "…you were there and I needed it. It was a long fucking time ago…I didn't have much practice with restraint and I was stressed out…" he trailed off and sighed, looking away at the bed spread. He looked like he couldn't believe they were talking about this.

Roy narrowed his own eyes, that didn't explain his compulsion to be abused,

"You **needed **me to pull your hair, to push you around and **hurt** you the way I did?" he asked quietly.

Edward made a sound of frustration,

"What the fuck does it matter?" he said lowly, "…this was a bad idea, I'm getting out of here." He walked to his bag.

Roy clenched his jaw and stood off the door frame,

"No, Edward I'm not trying to upset you…I'm trying to understand…"

Edward had opened his bag and crouched down, pulling out a leather pants,

"…there's nothing to understand…" he said huffily as he stood up to put the pants on.

Roy walked up to him quickly and grabbed his right upper arm, once there was automail there and he'd be afraid of Edward punching him with it but now it was just flesh, firm muscle beneath smooth skin.

Edward didn't pull away like he'd done in the office that night, instead he stilled and looked at the hand around his upper arm, pants hanging half on the floor in his limp grasp of it with his other hand.

"You said…you wanted…comfort…" he reminded Edward quietly, he could smell the sweetness of shampoo in the drying blonde hair, the scent of shower crème on Edward's skin and he could even smell the faint scent of toothpaste as Edward breathed through slightly parted lips at their close proximity.

He hadn't had a sexual thought or desire in months but right then his body warmed and he found himself with a deep urge to run his tongue over the pulse of Edward's throat and his hands down his smooth back….to pull him close…to feel his warmth.

"You said…I was warm…and that I smelled good, that it had been so long…so long since what?" he found himself genuinely curious as he let his fingers loosen on Edward's arm and trail down, ticking the soft flesh of his inner upper arm.

Edward licked his lips before he took in a quiet breath,

"Since…I had felt...real…" he said very quietly, sounding like he didn't want to go down that path of memory.

Roy closed his eyes,

"Because of the Gate…the nightmares?" he said so quietly it was practically a whisper.

Next to him, not moving away but shifting Edward had turned his head to face Roy just a bit, looking at him with a deep frown,

"You…have nightmares?"

Roy didn't answer that but he turned to look at Edward now too and Edward blinked as his eyes made a quick sweep of Roy's face, his lips pursing just slightly,

"I understand what you mean now." Roy admitted, "To feel real, to pull yourself out of that…**blackness**." He said quiet and harsh.

Edward nodded,

"Anyone whose seen **it** has nightmares…they…never go away." He warned Roy.

Roy's face became pained for a moment, realizing he'd have to live with that.

He turned to Edward and his hands came up, cool and shaken he placed them on the blonde's upper arms and turned him to face himself, Edward complied albeit stiffly, he looked a little confused and upset.

Roy took a quiet breath as he let his arms slip around Edward, he tried to meet Ed's eyes but the younger seemed to avoid it. Roy's hands slowly planted to Edward's warm skin as he ran them down his back and pulled him close.

Edward was pressed against him, in his arms and his hands Roy felt were at his sides, awkward and not touching.

Roy leaned in, intent on kissing Edward's warm slightly wet lips but the blonde leaned away slightly to avoid it, his face turning but the taller man brought one hand up gently, placing it against Edward's cheek and bringing his face back, their lips meeting briefly before Edward pulled back and raised his hands up.

"What are you doing…?" Edward asked quietly as he pushed Roy away lightly, not all contact was lost. Roy's hands were now on his wrists as he held the older man at half his arms distance, hands to his firm chest.

Roy swallowed hard, feeling distinctly like he was being rejected,

"I…was trying to kiss you." His voice was low, he managed to meet Edward's confused gaze now, the blonde looked uncomfortable.

A beat of silence went by before Edward shook his head, some of his dry bangs falling freely forward from his ponytail,

"I can't…" he glanced down at the leather pants laying on the floor and bent down to pick it up, dropping it into his bag and closing the suitcase with his automail foot.

Roy stared at his back, his insides shaken, he didn't know what to say so he swallowed again and looked around the room before he nodded, feeling angry and insulted,

"I shouldn't be surprised…you're not desperate anymore." He mumbled and turned to leave the room.

"Hey…Mustang…" he heard Edward but he continued through the doorway and out. He walked through the hall, hitting the staircase light as he did so the house was dark except for his bedroom light up ahead, he walked inside his room and pushed his door closed behind him…

…but it didn't shut and when he glanced back he saw Edward standing there, pushing the door open slowly and looking at him with a frown,

"Don't say anything else, just get out…" Roy said sounding calmer than he meant to.

"No, you stupid bastard…" Edward's words made him turn around but before he reiterated his words angrily Edward cut him off, "…it's not about being desperate or anything…" he said quietly.

They both kept talking softly as if someone would hear them.

He walked into the room but didn't close all the distance between them,

"It's because…I don't do that anymore…" he admitted.

Roy frowned,

"Do what? Sleep with men?" he asked candidly, having lost his patience after taking a knock to his ego.

Edward actually flushed a little pink at those words and he shook his head,

"No…no I do…I mean…I'm…I like men." He huffed and Roy gave him an expectant look, "...I meant, I don't…sleep around anymore. I don't…fuck randomly anymore." He swallowed after those last words.

So he'd known his behavior was loose…Roy wasn't surprised, Edward had always been too intelligent to find reason or justification for that behavior.

"You think sleeping with me would be random?" he asked, feeling just only slightly less insulted at Edward's rejection, "…you have a type now? You have a certain kind of man you like…? It's fine, just go to bed, Edward." He turned away.

"It's not about **you,** Roy…" Edward used his name, it sounded nice, "...are you kidding, do you need me to tell you you're an attractive man? Is that it?"

"Don't mock me you little shit, just get out!" Roy turned on him and Edward didn't flinch but he did look a little wary at Roy's anger.

"I'm not mocking you!" Edward shouted right back, "…I'm saying I don't want to feel like a filthy slut when I leave here in the morning…" he yelled and then took a broken breath and looked away from Roy, "…I don't want it anymore…being hurt like that."

Roy stared at him,

"I don't **want** to hurt you, that's what you wanted…I never **wanted** to do that to you." He said sounding every bit as angry as he felt.

"So what do you want now?" Edward crossed his arms over his chest.

"I want…you." Roy said with a tired breath.

They both stood in silence again.

This night had been long. They were both tired.

He looked up when Edward approached him and came to stand in front of him, their height difference much less so many years later, Roy looked at Edward's lips and liked that he wouldn't have to lean down too much in order to kiss them.

Edward nodded at him and Roy double checked with an imploring look too see that Edward wouldn't pull away from him…wouldn't hurt him again.

* * *

_**This (COMPLETELY CRUCIAL TO THE PLOT) smex scene has been removed to suite FF . nets guidelines. Read full version on AO3 Link found on my profile. NB its NC17! But if your kind enough, leave me a review here **_

* * *

Roy turned his head and kissed Edward's forehead where his head was a little lower beside his own on his shoulder, Edward's flesh leg was over his right leg and the coolness of the automail limb was alongside Roy's leg as well.

They lay that way for a long while, both breathing and neither sleeping.

There was a clock on the bedside but neither looked at it.

Edward took a quiet breath and Roy blinked tiredly as he listened to the quiet words,

"…if you sleep with the light's on…it's a little easier when you wake up." It was a tired whisper.

The pain Roy had felt in this room seemed to lift at those words…because if Edward could live with it, then Roy would because Edward had been through worse and didn't deserve that sort of horror, but he lived with it.

Roy would face it with acceptance…

Eventually they both just drifted to sleep exactly as they lay.

* * *

The sound of birds chirping noisily somewhere, rain falling on his roof top and the doldrums of the outside world penetrated Roy's sleep as it droned on steadily.

Groggily he blinked his eyes open and focused on the pillow he was asleep on and holding rather tightly, Roy frowned and sat up slowly, first on his side, letting the pillow go and then he sat up properly and leaned forward, rubbing his face with both hands and pushing his hair back from his face.

When he looked around his bedroom it appeared the same, clothes on doors and handles, clothes on the floor, toiletries scattered over a dresser, his pillows on the floor…

He blinked again and looked at the bed, there was only one pillow left on the bed, the one he'd been holding onto and the sheet was barely hanging onto the bed. Roy looked down at his naked state and he took a deep breath and rubbed his face again.

He breathed quietly for a moment as his expression became crestfallen, his eyebrows drew together, he heard silence around him, no shower running, no noise downstairs…he was alone…in an empty bed with the birds chirping outside and the rain still falling.

Edward was gone.

Of course he was, he'd had a train to catch at 8 am.

Roy ran his hand down his face and turned to his bedside clock…it was almost 10 am.

He hadn't slept that late in years, he actually felt rested.

He turned back and stared down at his bed sheets, there were stains…inconspicuous yet not…but proof that the blonde had actually been there.

Roy felt a depression come over him, he honestly didn't know if last night had been anything more than a glorified one night stand, Edward had said he didn't want that sort of thing…so maybe he'd come back?

He got off the bed slowly and picked his pajama pants up off the floor, pulling it on as he left the room.

For once he was well rested, not sore in his body and he was hungry…but still he didn't feel happy.

He hadn't even felt so let down when his ex-girlfriend stormed out on him.

He dragged himself downstairs to his kitchen and walked over to the stove kettle, filling it up with water and putting it onto the stove to boil, he leaned against the counter and stared blankly at the white tiled floor for a while as it heated up.

He sighed as he thought again of night before and his chest felt sore, he hated how upset he was by Edward's inevitable leaving, he blinked and looked at his kitchen table, his blue eyes narrowed.

He smiled so small but so significantly at the sight of Fullmetal's State Alchemist watch sitting on the table and under it a simple white slip of notepaper from the pad beside Roy's phone in the lounge and the pen as well.

He pushed himself off the counter and walked over, picking the watch up, it was cool in his palm. He then picked up the note and blinked at the phone number on the paper.

Roy smiled, recognizing this. Whenever Edward was sent on an assignment back when he was in the military he would send a telegram when he reached his destination with the number of whatever place he staying because Roy was supposed to have direct contact for his subordinates at all times.

Roy only ever called if he absolutely had to.

While Edward was no longer his subordinate, the number meant the same thing.

The question was whether Roy absolutely had to call…

With his smile in place Roy put the paper and the watch down on the table as the kettle boiled noisily.

As he prepared his coffee for the morning he found that it smelled much better to him than usual.


End file.
